Nobody ever really gave it a second thought, until one day, totally out of the blue, news broadcasts and newspaper articles were reporting on some idiot setting up camp on the front lawn of our gracious provincial legislature, THE PEOPLES HOUSE!!!
And, as we all know, it became your first official residence, upon gracing the streets of our fair city. You were welcomed warmly by the open arms of DAPPER DAN, the SERGEANT-AT-ARMS MAN!!!
Boss Hogg couldn’t hold a candle to him.
I’m sure that he shared many a coffee with you, (compliments of the people, of course), and more than likely, a few beers as well. Yes, all went so, so well for some time.
But, as we all know and as faith would have it, things began to sour and the welcome mat that greeted you every day, disappeared. And then, of course came the day when Dan met you on the front steps with the official citation banning you forever, from the democratically elected peoples house including, of course, the steps, lawn, driveway or any other such acreage that you might get a little dirt on.
And, on what grounds, you may ask?? Well absolute nieuscency, of course. What else?? And so began, Sir Charles, the era and the odessy of your grand and most humble arrival in the capital city of New Brunswick. Little did you know, of course, of the treasures, stories, archives and folklore that lie ahead.
The stories, of course, of you looking down the barrel of the cannon in Officers Square waiting for Sir Dan to pull the trigger come to mind.
Or you standing beside the propane tank lighting a cigarette. “Need Some Help Mon Ami”??? KABOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! Bye bye blogger.
And we certainly cannot forget the various “riding-a-bicycle-without-a-helmet” violations. SEE YOU IN COURT, PAL!!!!
The escapade on the premise of said “people’s house” in confrontation with one Andy MacDonald in which you found yerself “15 SECONDS AWAY FROM SERIOUS TROUBLE”!!!!
I mean, Columbo himself couldn’t have screwed it up any better. Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane could never have been any prouder as he chased the hell outta the Duke boys through the back roads of Hazzard County.
And what can we say, Charlie, beyond the ousters of a Chief of Police, (the name McKnight comes to mind),
three successive premiers, (Bernard Lord, Shawn Graham, David Alward),
a plethora of MLA’s, (Greg Byrne and Rick Miles are obvious candidates), (GOODBYE), a legislature clerk, the list goes on.
And, oh yes, the infamous (non-existant), Margaret Ann Blaney interview at, of course, THE PEOPLES DAMN HOUSE. Who, in God’s name could forget that??? Setting foot on the very grounds of “moi maisson”, Charlie, HOW DARE YOU!!! Your umbrella causing havoc in one of the busiest intersections in downtown Fredericton. DON’T TOUCH ME, DON’T TOUCH ME!!!! WHAT A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!!! WHAT A BUNCH OF FASCISTS!!!! WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO, BEAT ME UP??? I DON’T TRUST YOU IDIOTS!!! I WANT THE RCMP!!!! HOW MUCH OVERTIME IS DAN PAYING YOU????
And that was with the local constabulary, Charlie. About this time, who decides to put in a personal appearance but Dan the jiggolo hisself. And I mean HOW’S IT HANGIN’, MAN, LET THE WORD GO FORTH, STAY THE HELL OFF THE PROPERTY!!!! POLICE, POLICE!!!!!! ARREST HIM, ARREST HIM!!!!!! I mean, gas on the fire, man gas on the fire. If he’d a kept his damn mouth shut and stayed outta sight, NONE OF THIS SHIT EVER WOULDA HAPPENED!!!! Then, my friend, there was our beloved Mayor, Brad Woodside, not only standing firm on the city’s decision on the great “WHITE ELEPHANT” that would be the convention centre project, but also trying like hell to find his vehicle in the beloved East End Parking Garage which was going to be “THE GREATEST WONDER OF THE WORLD”!!!!
Which would lead, on the ensuing election night, old buddy to the long-awaited demise of the Woodside mayorality. And as your wishes would have it, Charlie, Mr. Michael O’Brien would become our most beloved “MAYOR MIKE”, in the blink of an eye.
And the Edmundston police??? Well we’ll just let that be the EDMUNDSTON POLICE. ABOUT AS CREDIBLE AS DONALD TRUMP.
ALLALOIJJAH, AMEN, WHO GIVES A SHIT and GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE SURE MISS ABEL!!!!!
